Should I Move Mom to Assisted Living?
Should I Move Mom to Assisted Living?
Deciding if and when it’s time to move a parent to assisted living is one of the most difficult decisions a family can face. It’s rarely clear-cut, and emotions can run high. We’ve supported families through this very question for almost 20 years through our home care agency, Apple Care and Companion. And we’ve faced it in our own families, too.
In this post, we’ll walk through what we’ve learned professionally and personally to help you think it through.
Start With the Why
Before making any big moves, ask yourself:
What’s the goal of moving to assisted living?
Is it for safety? Social engagement? Access to care? Peace of mind?
We hear a lot of families say, “Mom is falling, so it must be time.” But here’s the truth: if she’s falling at home, she may also fall in assisted living. Falls are often tied to underlying medical or mobility issues not necessarily the environment and assisted living typically doesn’t provide one-on-one care.
So, get clear on the real problem you’re trying to solve, and whether assisted living actually addresses it.
What’s Getting Hard at Home?
Sometimes the signs are more subtle. Tasks like cooking, cleaning, or managing medications might be getting too difficult. Or maybe there’s a safety concern like leaving the stove on due to memory changes or struggling to get in and out of the shower.
If there’s no nearby family or friend support, and daily life is becoming unsafe or unmanageable, assisted living may be worth exploring.
That said, we always recommend trying in-home care first if possible. Sometimes a few hours of help each day can extend the ability to stay at home safely for months or even years. We’ve seen it work until it no longer does. Then, assisted living can become the next step.
When Assisted Living Does Make Sense
Here’s an example. We have a client in independent living who has Parkinson’s. She’s doing okay most of the time but needs help occasionally in the middle of the night. That level of overnight oversight without requiring full-time care is exactly what assisted living is designed for.
Assisted living can be a great option if:
Your loved one needs help available 24/7 but not necessarily present all the time.
There’s a desire for structured meals, medication management, or light housekeeping.
The home environment has become unsafe or isolating.
But… Let’s Be Honest
We also talked about whether we could picture ourselves in assisted living.
Mark said it plainly: “I’m not planning on it.” The food would have to be good, and the response time for help would have to be quick not 30, 40, even 60 minutes later. And for Laurie? Getting dressed up to go to the dining room every day might be a deal-breaker!
These personal preferences matter. And they’re exactly why it’s so important to consider your parent’s personality and lifestyle, not just your own.
If your parent has always been more private and less social, don’t assume they’ll suddenly love group activities or communal dining. There’s a big difference between being alone and being lonely. Just because someone is living alone doesn’t mean they’re isolated especially if they have support coming in or family nearby.
Include Your Parent in the Conversation
This one’s big. Unless there’s significant cognitive decline, your parent should be part of the decision. Their voice matters. Too often, families decide for an aging loved one instead of with them.
They may not make the same choices you would but that doesn’t mean their choices are wrong. Adults don’t lose the right to make “bad” decisions just because they’re older.
If safety is truly at risk, that’s another conversation. But if your loved one is mentally capable and simply has different priorities, it’s important to respect that.
The Myth of Being “Off the Hook”
One final myth we want to bust:
Moving a parent to assisted living doesn’t mean you’ll stop getting phone calls.
You’re still the emergency contact. You’ll still get the call in the middle of the night if something goes wrong. You’ll still be involved in hospital decisions or medication changes. Assisted living can help, but it doesn’t eliminate your caregiving role, it just changes it.
So, Is It Time?
Here’s a quick summary of things to consider:
✅ Understand the true goals behind the move
✅ Try in-home care first, if possible
✅ Evaluate what tasks are becoming unsafe or unmanageable
✅ Consider your parent’s personality and lifestyle
✅ Involve your parent in the decision
✅ Remember you’re still part of the caregiving team, no matter where they live
If you’re grappling with this decision, you’re not alone. We’re here to help…whether it’s with caregiving resources, personalized advice, or simply understanding your options.
👉 Explore more tips and tools at AgeTechNow.com
👉 Or reach out to our team at Apple Care and Companion
Have a caregiving question you’d like us to answer? Let us know!